Leaving Highbury behind

This article originally appeared in issue 265 of The Gooner.

I can't keep thinking about the past. It's probably just my age - I'm 41 and fast turning into a grumpy old man - but I've reached the stage of hankering for the good old days. In truth, when you put on the rose-tinted specs and take a trip down memory lane, you tend to recall the highs rather than the lows. Yet there is one thing that I'm sure most Gooners (of a certain age) would agree on; I miss Highbury so much.

No amount of moaning will bring back the famous old Arsenal Stadium, as it was officially known, and in all honesty, wallowing in the past is not all that healthy. However, the stadium played such a part in my childhood and early days of supporting this great club, that I just can't stop myself from reminiscing about days gone by.

I attended my first match at Highbury in December 1984 - an abysmal 1-1 draw against Graham Taylor's Watford - and you could not help but fall in love with the place immediately. The beautiful exterior of the East Stand hit me as we wandered down Avenell Road, and as soon as you walked into the ground, the greenness of the pitch left me in awe.

During my childhood, trips to Highbury were few and far between, so I had to soak up the beauty of the stadium from a distance. For example, two matches in four February days in 1988 built upon Highbury's place in my heart. The FA Cup win over Manchester United, including Brian McClair's hilarious penalty miss, and the Littlewoods Cup semi-final against Everton under the floodlights, were both played in front of huge crowds in cracking atmospheres. Watching them on YouTube, the hairs still stand up on my neck.

Eventually I was able to convince my parents that trips from Bletchley to Highbury could be made on my own, and towards the end of the first season of the Premier League I began to make the exciting journey down to N5. It would be the start of a new phase of our relationship, as my commitment grew and grew over the next ten years or so.

In this time, I watched well over 150 matches at Highbury, and never took the place for granted. Every time I made my way into the stadium, reached the top of the steps at the entrance, and made my way to my seat, the feeling of anticipation still grabbed me. True, there were days when the atmosphere wasn't as good as it could have been, but on my travels to away grounds it was easy to understand that we were not alone in this regard. The lazy 'Highbury Library' jibes were water off a ducks back to me.

Some of the matches I attended still make me smile. The draining and exhausting Cup Winners' Cup semi-final first leg against Sampdoria in 1995; the final day of the 95/96 campaign, as Dennis Bergkamp sealed our place in the UEFA Cup (believe me, it was big then); beating Tottenham 3-1 in Arsene Wenger's first season; Tony Adams' "Would you believe it?" moment; Lauren's penalty against Tottenham in the 2001/02 run-in, as the North Bank Upper Tier literally bounced in delight and relief.

Alas time moves on, and priorities change. I've been fortunate that my marriage and children have brought me so much joy, but with the great responsibility came sacrifices. Less money to spend on luxuries such as football tickets resulted in fewer opportunities to get to Highbury. I didn't know it at the time, but when I left the ground after a disappointing 1-1 draw against West Brom on 20 November 2004, I had come full circle. I would never set foot inside the stadium again.

It's a huge regret of mine that I didn't say goodbye to Highbury properly. Yet I'm even sadder that I will never get the chance to take my son to the place that gave me so much happiness. Before the 2016 FA Cup fourth round tie against Burnley, I took him to have a look at the outside of the East Stand, regaling him with endless tales of my old match routine. After lingering for a little too long, it was then that the loss of Highbury sunk in.

Don't get me wrong, my son loves his trips to Ashburton Grove, and the chance to see his heroes in the flesh. But I dearly wish that he could have just witnessed one match at Highbury, and seen for himself the gorgeous green pitch, flanked by the iconic East and West Stands. And this, along with the lack of a decent title challenge since the stadium move, got me thinking.

Why did we move? At the time I was swept along with promises that a bigger home up the road would lead to great riches on and off the pitch. The latter has certainly proved correct, but what was the point in leaving our home of 93 years if it was going to lead to the endless disappointment we have gone through since 2006?

Arsene performed a sterling job of giving us Champions League football during the difficult transition from old to new stadium, but if we had stayed at Highbury, could he have still achieved his cherished top four finish in the majority of those seasons? And seeing as we have not been in a serious championship race since the move, it's not as if staying at Highbury would have been much worse in that regard.

Maybe I'm being a bit too simplistic. Since the 2006 move we have had a lot of upheaval, including the departure of David Dein, and the sad involvement (or lack of it) of Silent Stan. Combine this with a clear decline in the managerial abilities of Arsene, and you have all the ingredients for what we are seeing now. Still I can't help but come back to the stadium move, especially in relation to Dein leaving.

I don't get to Arsenal matches as much as I used to. But on the odd occasion that I do, I am struck by the empty feeling I get in my stomach during the 90 minutes. I take a glance at the frustration of those who try to get a few songs going but are met with a wall of silence. I get wound up by people arriving ten minutes into the first/second half, and then leave five minutes before the end of half/full-time. Obviously Highbury wasn't perfect, and I know it had its fair share of latecomers and early leavers. But it was home. It had its own character and charm, so I could forgive it for a few imperfections.

Writing this isn't really helping me, though, so I should probably let it go. Never go back is a popular saying, and unfortunately in this case we can't, but in times of relative trouble you start to remember what you have left behind. I know we have no divine right to win titles or cups, yet I would have quite happily stayed at Highbury for the current situation. You don't know what you've got till it's gone.