My new series where I take a look back at a time sport left me broken.
As me and my friends discussed England's fantastic Test match win at Adelaide in December 2010, one of the group stated that at least we could bury the bad memories at the same venue four years earlier. "Too soon," I replied, as all the joy left my eyes.
I was partly joking. But there are some sporting defeats that leave a scar so deep that they should never be mentioned again. Rather than having an open discussion that will hopefully heal the wounds, it's best to bury these experiences, deep down, preferably at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. So writing this blog is going to be a lot of fun for me.
Adelaide 2006. Just typing that has left me feeling a bit numb. England's defence of the Ashes, won so dramatically in 2005, had not started well in Brisbane. From the moment Steve Harmison bowled the opening delivery of the series to second slip you knew what was coming. The heavy defeat was no surprise, but the fightback in Adelaide was.
There had been signs of recovery. Admittedly England lost by 277 runs, but the 370 scored in the final innings in Brisbane showed that not all was doom and gloom. Winning the toss in Adelaide, England ended day one on 260/3, with Paul Collingwood and Kevin Pietersen forming the basis of an England total that should have at least guaranteed a draw.
Day two was just as good. Collingwood scored 206, Pietersen 158, as England declared on 551/6. Part of me wondered if we should have gone on past 600, but when Andrew Flintoff removed Justin Langer before the close of play, my defensive thoughts looked foolish.
England chipped away on the following day, but Ashley Giles dropping Ricky Ponting when the Australian captain was on 35 - he went on to make 142 - proved a crucial moment. Late into day four, Australia were finally dismissed for 513, but with England closing on 59/1 from the 19 overs they faced - a lead of 97 - the match appeared to be drifting to a draw.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. I should have known better, to quote Jim Diamond. Nothing is ever straight forward with England. But nothing prepared me for day five at Adelaide. The utter horror of that day floods my body as I try and go through the events of December 5, 2006.
I didn't even stay up to watch the opening exchanges. A lack of sleep due to a combination of following the Test match and having our two-month-old baby boy in our bedroom led me to the conclusion that I should really try and catch up on those lost hours. But when I did wake up and turned the radio on - using a speaker pillow as I didn't want to wake anyone else up - my heart dropped.
The nightmare started with a poor decision - Andrew Strauss given out caught off Shane Warne by umpire Steve Bucknor - but from this point on England became rabbits caught in the headlights. Ian Bell was run out, Warne bowled Pietersen, and in the blink of an eye England had gone from 69/1 to 77/5 as panic descended.
Looking at my son as I woke up and heard Matthew Hoggard batting, I witnessed the very image of peacefulness as he slept. Little did he know that his dad was going through absolute hell. I felt jealous that he knew nothing of this agony. Surely it was time to turn off my radio.
Of course I didn't. As Collingwood tried his best to dig us out of the hole we were in, I frantically listened on as overs remaining and runs required started coming into the equation. Collingwood scored 22 from 119 balls in 198 minutes at the crease. But he was fighting a lone cause.
Dismissed for a pathetic 129, England had set Australia just 168 to win in 36 overs. It was never going to be enough. As I continued to listen to the debacle at work, the sheer magnitude of the incoming defeat hit me. I froze completely, unable to comprehend what had happened. People were speaking to me and I was taking none of it in. I was as useless at work that day as most of the England team had been.
Once defeat was confirmed there was only one thing I was certain about; a 5-0 Ashes defeat was now an inevitability. You didn't need to be a psychologist or body language expert to work out what this loss meant. The glazed look on the faces of the England players and fans painted a thousand words.
There are some defeats that are felt as painfully for both players and fans. Adelaide 2006 was one such occasion. There was simply no coming back from day five in South Australia. In fact, such was the upset that it stirred up in my head I steadfastly refused to use the A-word for years afterwards. I would only ever talk about South Australia, as if that magically helped to erase the shame.
Come the end of the series, Amazon sent me an email informing me that I may be interested in buying a DVD of the 2006/07 Ashes. Their algorithms had noted that I'd bought the 2005 series DVD, so it would follow that I would want the latest edition. How wrong they were. In an ideal world I would have purchased every copy and smashed each one with a hammer. YouTube and Sky footage would prove trickier to deal with.
I don't think an England Test defeat has ever left me feeling so crushed. I've witnessed enough England reverses to have got used to the feelings associated with the disappointment. But Adelaide 2006 was so unexpected that I don't think I was fully prepared for it. Indeed, even as the day unfolded I refused to believe we could somehow lose.
The 2010 win did ease the pain slightly. But the lead up to that Test showed "highlights" from the 2006 loss, and I'm not sure I was ready for that. I'm not even sure I was ready to write about it 15 years on. I need to go and watch the 2005 DVD to cleanse myself from this experience.
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